Sunday, August 17, 2014
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Letter
K,
I cannot think and speak
at the same time, so writing was the best way I could express this. I was horribly
mean to you and I regret it to this day. You never deserved that and I know
that now. I don’t want forgiveness nor do I seek to assuage my guilt.
I struggled for years to
fit it. Trying to dress or act a certain way to make people like me. Part of
that involved being a jerk to people but it was never really me. While you are
entitled to feel differently, I am a nice, shy guy on the inside.
This may never find you, but if it does, I am truly and deeply sorry.
-Ben
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Update
I have not forgotten my favorite blog. I am starting a second job next week and I started take a few classes online this week. So my time is stretched thin and my updates may become slower. But I promise I have not forgotten you.
Monday, March 4, 2013
What?
Check it again,
Which word where,
This or that hmm,
Take out or add,
Decisions,
Wrong,
Is this a real word,
Check the dictionary,
It usually is,
And then I am finished writing.
Which word where,
This or that hmm,
Take out or add,
Decisions,
Wrong,
Is this a real word,
Check the dictionary,
It usually is,
And then I am finished writing.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Write Day
When is it the right way of the write day? The solutions aren't so simple.
The chains that bind my creativity are solely in my head and I am unsure how to shed my bonds. If my dreams are to be believed, one day I will have to make a difficult choice between two seemingly similar concepts. The similarities are only a facade as one choice takes me to happiness and the other leads into the depths of hell. In my dreams I always make the wrong decision. I wonder if this dream is an extension of my feelings that the world hastily left me behind. I am not Job and my faith occasionally wavers.
I wish I could be more helpful to others who feel this way. I am no expert, but I am willing to give advice if it is solicited. On the other hand this is not a self help book.
Where am I going with this? What is life? Life is the sum of everything you experience. Your hopes, dreams, thoughts, prayers, and feelings all rolled up into you. Combining the good, bad, and indifferent to make a bouillabaisse that encompasses us all.
Could I write a love story? I wasn't man enough to be what she needed. It haunts me as the single greatest failure I have ever achieved. Beautiful is a dime a dozen, easy going with a sense of humor is much more difficult to find. Add intelligence and a kind heart it makes the perfect person, but is nearly impossible to find in others. And if I ever found the combination again would I deserve the person who possessed it?
The chains that bind my creativity are solely in my head and I am unsure how to shed my bonds. If my dreams are to be believed, one day I will have to make a difficult choice between two seemingly similar concepts. The similarities are only a facade as one choice takes me to happiness and the other leads into the depths of hell. In my dreams I always make the wrong decision. I wonder if this dream is an extension of my feelings that the world hastily left me behind. I am not Job and my faith occasionally wavers.
I wish I could be more helpful to others who feel this way. I am no expert, but I am willing to give advice if it is solicited. On the other hand this is not a self help book.
Where am I going with this? What is life? Life is the sum of everything you experience. Your hopes, dreams, thoughts, prayers, and feelings all rolled up into you. Combining the good, bad, and indifferent to make a bouillabaisse that encompasses us all.
Could I write a love story? I wasn't man enough to be what she needed. It haunts me as the single greatest failure I have ever achieved. Beautiful is a dime a dozen, easy going with a sense of humor is much more difficult to find. Add intelligence and a kind heart it makes the perfect person, but is nearly impossible to find in others. And if I ever found the combination again would I deserve the person who possessed it?
Friday, February 22, 2013
I Return...
Well I have finally retrieved my newly fixed laptop so I can update my blog again. However, I will be off next week, I am taking the time off from writing to make some extra money on the side. I should be back by Thursday.
I wonder sometimes about blame. Is it even necessary? It occurs to me that blame is something we assign so what if we just stopped? I am not advocating that it fix problems and it could create new issues. But is seems like if every individual held themselves accountable it would smooth things out. What do I know? I can't get my own shit together. Why do I give so much advice that I can't follow myself? Life isn't always what you think it should be.
I wonder sometimes about blame. Is it even necessary? It occurs to me that blame is something we assign so what if we just stopped? I am not advocating that it fix problems and it could create new issues. But is seems like if every individual held themselves accountable it would smooth things out. What do I know? I can't get my own shit together. Why do I give so much advice that I can't follow myself? Life isn't always what you think it should be.
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