The Game

He told me to write this story down. He said that if I failed to capture the essence of those events, I was doomed to repeat them. So here goes nothing and everything at the same time. I won’t lie to you and tell you it was a specific night. But it was dark and the rain poured out of the heavens. But it was just another night. It would easily be confused with any idle Tuesday. I was making my way home from work. I was stuck working another night behind the counter of your local auto parts. Selling cheap parts made in China but intended to somehow fit on American cars. I was selling out my morals and standards for $8.25 an hour. I hated that job, not only because I used to stand for something, but also because it was second shift work, which took away time I could spend with my family. I was wasting time in this retail coffin. The only thing I ever truly loved in life was writing and I have failed at that too. I believed I was tasked to write, more specifically to sit down and hash these feelings out. And by my actions to communicate with the masses. Actually not the masses, to communicate with the students who over-examine your literary baby. These literati who pick apart everything you put on paper. And yet we write knowing this anyway. This is a talent for some, and truthfully it comes quite easy for me. However, since the Lord leaves nothing unchecked, the ease is accompanied by my crippling self doubt and uncertainty. It is the reason why before he told to write, I had never finished writing anything I had set out to put to paper. I wasn't always this uneasy, was I? It seems that I was once young and brimming with confidence in what I do here. Maybe I am to blame, I am an abject failure as a human being and that reflects in my writing. Maybe I would've done thing differently, had I possessed some divine control over my life and surroundings. I am only a man; in fact I am no man. A faceless visage of words, I am complicated and I am simple. Why must these words come to me with unspeakable ease and yet any sense of competition is tarnished? I have struggled under the weight of this burden for most of my adult life.

I was just your standard college drop out with dreams too big for my place in life. I had missed my second calling as the next stud football player. A disagreement with a coach my senior season had caused me to stubbornly drop off the team and get drunk on Friday nights instead. I was mad as hell because nothing in my life had gone according to plan. I was also enraged by the fact that nothing had ever been handed to me. I worked for everything I had ever gotten and I was worn by it all. What makes that particular night any different from any other is what I happened to do to myself. Every night I trucked forty five minutes home from my crappy job and I hated that commute too. Most nights I only thought about the idea. That random night is the night I put into action what had only before been a thought. There was a bridge over looking a ten foot drop off into a stream. I had sized it up for years. There was no side rail leading up to the bridge and the first five feet of the embankment was cleared or obstruction . If I ran off the road at the precise moment I should launch over the side and into the embankment below. And if I was lucky I would not draw another breath. I revved up the engine and flew off the road and in to the grass. I slammed the pedal to the floor and the back end of the car kicked around sideways. I I let it out a bit to level out the rear of the car and hit the throttle again. The car never did launch like in my day dreams. But it did slide off the edge and into the water below. As an added bonus the front end smashed into a gargantuan rock and upon impact it flipped over landing on the roof. Since the car was built in Mexico, the roof caved in. I sat in the car being held in my seat by my seat belt  I was gripping the steering wheel and I could feel myself slipping from conscience I would feel the warm liquid pouring from my hair and I could taste pennies. I thought to myself, 'just let go.' This is what you wanted, why are you trying to cling so hard to a life you never wanted. In that moment I let go of my grip on life and a peaceful wave of white washed over me as I left my life behind.

Much to my own surprise I awoke in a haze of white and bright lights. Not being one to believe in the afterlife I conclude that I had survived the crash and I must be in the hospital. After coming around it became apparent that this was no hospital. There were no walls I could make out. And I was lying in a ball on the surprisingly soft floor. Above me were lights so bright that I could not stare at them. I arose to my feet and dusted myself off. To my amazement I had no injuries, in fact I did not have a single cut, scrape or bruise anywhere on my body. I was still unsure about my surrounding when it occurred to me. Please don’t let this be heaven I begged of no one. My mind raced to images of burning in Hell and scripture that told us suicide was a sin. If this was heaven and I was to face final judgment I was in major trouble. Suddenly and unexpectedly and reassuring wave came over me and a calmness over came me. “That is not exactly how it works here” a beautiful booming voice from behind me. I whipped around and looked at something that I still cannot explain. The voice had originated from a small collection of clouds. I am assuming the small white wisps of air were clouds. The being also possessed a ball of light at its center that was very bright. In fact if the clouds had not been covering it, I am sure the light would've blinded me. “Who are you?” I stammered. The being replied “I do not mean to be rude but I believe that what is correct, not who.” I was confused and the being could sense my confusion. I am sure the being was in my head and could feel all my emotions. “Do not be confused. I am a being and not a person. Therefore the correct question would be what you are. Again not to be rude by why ask a question.” The air fell silent for a brief second before the being continued. Only this time the answer was not spoken out loud. I could hear the beings voice in my head, almost telepathically “if you’re not asking the right questions?” “I understand” I stated. “You say you do and in fact you are still unsure” bellowed its response. “Since this can be unnerving something’s allowing me to take a human form so we can talk for a bit” it said before the clouds surrounding the light began to swirl rapidly and then the light shot out from the center and knocked me on my ass. I shielded my eyes from the light as I fell. When I could tell the light had passed I lowered my arm and I saw a hand reaching to help me up. The hand was attached to a smiling face of a man with a long brown beard. He was wearing a white smock and leather sandals. “Who am I now?” he asked as he pulled me to my feet. “You look like the famous paintings of Jesus” I answered very meekly. He laughed “it is not that simple but this is the form most people recognize.” I understood. He had a very reassuring way about him that made me feel better. “Jesus and God are names given to me where you come from” he began “the best way to describe what I am to call myself the creator” he finished. It made sense to me. “Then are all religions a path to the creator?” I asked him. “Very good, now you are thinking for yourself that means you’re ready to walk with me” he stated.

He took my hand and we walked hand in hand up a white hill that was unnoticeable until you came upon it, and beyond that we walked to a plateau. There was a single handmade wooden chair and a matching table set near the edge of the plateau. He walked me over to the edge of the cliff and motioned for me to peer over into the crevasse. Down there was different from where we were. It was dark and smoky and even looking at the darkness sent a shill down my soul. “So that is hell?” I asked. “Again heaven and hell are words. From people who live where you some from. Think of this place as the light and that place as the darkness” he spoke. Again putting things into terms I could understand. He keeps speaking “I reside here in the light with and he keeps domain down in the darkness. Think of him as my opposite, most find it easy to call him the destroyer’ he concluded. My mouth was agape and after I collected my jaw from the floor I asked “destroyer?” He nodded “oh yes, the darkness is his kingdom and the worst are sent there after my judgment” he said never breaking his glance from my own. My stomach sank; I knew that any judgment of my life would not end well. “Should you just save us both the trouble and cast me in now?” I asked. He shook his head. “No you are a special case and because of that we need to delay your judgment until you play the game” he stated matter of factually  “Game? What game?” I blurted out.